Saturday, February 05, 2011


The Deastroyer sets just the right tone today. She's posted a check-box form for Valentine's Day. Gets the point across, albeit not with a great deal of romance, but then I've been conjuring up a little anti-romance myself lately. To wit...

Against the spirit of Harlequin Romances, NutJob Enterprises presents Pagliacci Anti-Romances, stories for the single and snarky. Even if you've never read a romance, you can get the gist from the blurbs on the back cover: woman meets intriguing man, man irritates woman or they endure a series of crises together, woman captures man or man falls for woman, and everyone lives happily ever after. Quite frankly, we at NutJob Enterprises think this plotline has been done to death. We also hope to counter the unrealistic expectations set up by overblown plots and boy-men cover images (Fabio, et al.), which insist that all worthwhile men have '80s band hair and six-pack abs. The message of all these stories is, "True love could happen to you, too!"

So here's our notion: The happiest RELATIONSHIP moments in the book are at the beginning. Thereafter, we watch the couple fall apart through a series of emotional scenes in which the lead character (man or woman, we don't discriminate) finds him/herself increasingly dissatisfied with love due to a partner's evil, insensitivity, cheating, etc., and by the end finally ESCAPES the long-haired dude (or gorgeous brunette). Our hero(ine) then goes on to find true happiness running their own business in another country somewhere after changing their name and going into witness protection. Our message? "It could always be worse!"

We feel the anti-romance is a concept whose time has come. For the single, longing, and forlorn, it will make them realize that being single has its advantages. For the married or unhappily attached, Pagliacci Books can provide comparative solace, as the readers think, "Well, thank goodness I don't have THAT jerk as a significant other!" We are seeking authors now. We don't mind if you draw from experience, but please have the courtesy and legal savvy to change names, places, and circumstances where appropriate.

And remember: we're doing this for YOU!
Now what amuses me is that everyone who's read the above thought it was a legitimate ad. Either people are that gullible or I didn't lay on the sarcasm thickly enough. I'll try harder next time.


lin said...

Har har har! Good work. Reminiscent of SNL's early years with Chevy Chase, Garrett Morris, Jane Curtin, Dan Ackroyd, and Gilda Radner. Stoners would watch for several minutes before realizing that they were watching the show rather than a commercial.

Dea of the House Phillips said...

Omg! Who writes these books? Where can I find them?