A Few Thoughts on Beverage Snobbery

I'm about to irritate my friends who brew beer at home or prefer high-octane "craft" microbrews, and I apologize. You guys make some interesting, high-quality beverages. The names alone are amusing, and the types and flavors range from light lagers to seriously dark porters, doppelbocks, and stouts. They are interesting for sampling purposes, but if I'm going to be at a ball game or picnic out in the hot sun for a few hours, quite frankly I'd just like a Budweiser.



Finished grousing about my horrid taste in beer? Great. Beer, to me, is a pedestrian form of alcohol, used in pedestrian, low-stress environments, such as the above-noted picnics or ball games. I never understood the need or desire to make beer "upscale," nor the need to up the alcohol to 8-10%.

Beer, for me, is a thirst-quenching form of alcoholic beverage. I like the flavor, but I don't really need to pay that much attention to it. I think the first non-amber-colored beer I had was Killian's Red, and that was sometime in the '90s. I tried tasting some of the more exotic beverages when I moved to the DC area and pedestrian beers were hard to come by (the most common mass-produced beer on tap there is Sam Adams). A lot of them I was either allergic to (hefe weissesn, Belgian, and wheat beers) or they upset my stomach (Imperial Pale Ales, porters). So I went back to basics. I will enjoy an English brown ale now and then (Fuller's London Pride or ESB being my favorites) or the occasional Harp or Guinness. But really, I like my beer simple and boring.

I guess the point is that I've given up on beverage snobbery. My taste in beer (according to the aficionados) is appalling and pedestrian. Fine. I like a simple beer.

My taste in wine often has a great deal to do with how much money I have at the time. Case in point: that same store in Alexandria, VA, that sold all the high-end beers also sold a variety of high-end wines. Occasionally I'd treat myself to one of their rather pricey bottles. I shopped there often enough that one or two of the cashiers recognized me. One in particular asked what I was going to do with the bottle of Beaujolais Nouveau. I explained that I planned on making a sangria with it, to which she replied, "That's all it's good for." And what would she have said if I'd planned on just drinking it with dinner? One Christmas I got a coupon for 10% off a case of wine. I thought, what the heck, just got a bonus, live large! This same cashier, knowing my shopping habits, said, in a not particularly kind tone, "You do know that's for 10 percent off a case, right?" As if I couldn't read or couldn't afford it if I could. Really now. Get over yourself, Ms. Cashier.

I can't recall encountering a whole lot of snobbery among drinkers of whiskey, but there is some. For flavor, I happen to like Jim Beam Red Stag. However, my go-to guy for advice on the beverage thinks it's garbage. Another friend and I enjoy Jim Beam Devil's Cut, which is another mass-produced brand. It appears that if you are confident to walk into a place and order an expensive name-brand glass of whiskey, no one is going to argue with your taste. However, don't order from the well drinks. That's a social no-no.

And on and on it goes. As people concentrate their creativity on anything from flower-growing to raising vegetables to making beverages, some learn and develop better methods than others. And as consumers likewise consume on these products, they come to develop their own vocabulary for defining what differentiates "the good stuff" from the rest. I have no problem with this expertise and in fact I rely on it when I'm looking for recommendations. Occasionally, the beer/wine/whiskey snob attitude gets to be a bit much. And yes, I've had to learn to rein in my own attitudes, as I've got friends who prefer boxed wine or "wine with a retail value no higher than $10."

This whole line of thought came to me yesterday. A lady in the snooty grocery store near me was looking at the wine shelves in fear and dismay. She was having a steak dinner with her husband and informed me that she hadn't had wine in 20 years. "It's gotten overwhelming," she said, and asked me for help. I pointed her to a mass-produced Merlot (Barefoot--I had the same brand in my fridge) and wished her well. It was low-cost, had a decent enough flavor, and wasn't overly "crafty." And, like I said, I had some at home myself. I suppose, given the "special occasion," I could have steered her toward something pricier, but 1) I didn't work at the store, and 2) I figured if you're just introducing yourself to wine, you're better off starting inexpensively and working your way up. Hopefully she and her husband had a nice evening.

I thought about her actual fear afterward. Beverage snobbery can be so bad, it seems, that a person new to experience might fear being embarrassed at the checkout counter because they bought the "wrong" brand. Such intimidation is unnecessary. As someone informed me when I first started trying to broaden my palette, "The best wine is the one that's right for you." And on that note, I just realized I'm out of Budweiser. Have a splendid day!

Wine 101: The Bartish Version

Okay, so apparently I'm a wine snob compared to some of my friends, and an ignoramus compared to others (I'm a total beer ignoramus, I'll 'fess up to that right now). But in case you're one of the folks who doesn't know Sauvignon Blanc from Chardonnay or a dry from a sweet, well, I'm here to offer a little help, if you want it.

You are free, of course, to ignore me or tell me to leave you alone, you're fine with your boxed wine and Boone's Farm. And you know what, you're right to do so. Ask John Cleese, who narrated his own DVD, "Wine for the Confused." As with any personal taste, it isn't for others to impose their tastes upon you. Of course if you ARE a serious wine snob, and know the difference, just by taste, between a Pinot Grigio and a Sauvignon Blanc, or which slope of the Sierras a wine was grown, stop reading. I will offend you with my ignorance and waste your time, unless you want to see how an amateur explains wine to other amateurs. 

Matter of fact, I'll give you a little background on my wine education so you don't think I was born to be a snob. First time I think I had wine (aside from communion, which isn't the same thing, though it's often Manischewitz, by the way) was when a grownup poured me a quarter glass of golden muscatel and said, "Okay, this is alcohol. You might as well know what you're getting into before you go out drinking with your friends."

After that, I spent a lot of time with beer or other beverages before I tried wine in college. And yes, it was that gold standard of middle-of-the-road wines, white zinfandel, which is a transparent, pink wine that is produced in mass quantities by Robert Mondavi, Sutter Home, and other grape-fermenting producers in California. It's not bad, but it's not great. Sort of a mix between Kool-Aid and a well-flavored cough medicine.

When I moved to Orlando, my dad liked to drink wine with dinner, specifically darker reds, so I learned to drink those. White Zinfandel is a "blush" wine (pink and translucent) rather than a red. Red wines are slightly translucent red to opaque burgundy or garnet in color. Red wines include Zinfandel, Cabernet Sauvignon, Merlot, Chianti, Syrah, Shiraz, Pinotage, Burgundy, Chateauneauf de Pape, Saint-Emillion, Margaux, Pinot Noir, and others. Most red wines are called dry, though you could also call that tart, astringent, or salty. More on flavors in a bit.

The majority of wines on the other end of the color spectrum are white wines, which range from almost transparent to translucent yellow-green to a rich, golden, translucent yellow. The flavors of white wine can include crisp, tart, or fruity. Again, more on specifics in a bit.

Another genre of wines would be dessert wines, which can include everything from nearly clear, bubbly Champagne or Moscato to a ruby- or rust-colored port. Dessert wines, as the name implies, are often sweet. Different flavors go with different foods, and while I'm probably the wrong guy to give advice on that sort of thing, I'll give it a whirl before this blog is over.

All wines, red, white, or other, are the products of fermented grape juice mixed with yeast, which consume the sugar in the juice to produce alcohol, usually anywhere from 9 to 15 percent by volume (beer, by contrast, is 3-8 percent). Some of the heartier dessert wines, like port, can run upwards of 20 percent by volume. There are also "fortified" wines, which have a purposely high alcohol content, often at the expense of flavor. Again, whatever suits you.

Before the wines become juice, of course, they're those oval, rubbery bulbs on the ends of vines. For reasons that elude me, wine vines grow best when they're put in difficult climates, like the edge of mountain slopes or near deserts (notice that they don't grow wine grapes in tropical rain forests). The most important, best-quality wine-growing regions can be found in France, California, Australia, New Zealand, Germany, Switzerland, Austria, Spain, Portugal, and Oregon. Note that I haven't included Japan here--that's because I'm not writing about rice wine. Nor am I writing about plum wine, pomegranate wine, or any of the rather nasty local wines one might fine domestically in antique shops throughout the U.S. (muscadine, elderberry, honey, etc.). I'm a grape snob. Deal with it.

Okay, so back to flavors. Red wines tend to run to the salty side, though some can have a lot of fruit in them ("fruit forward" is one wine-snob term I've heard). Some fruits mix better together than others. Merlot or Pinot Noir grapes don't have a lot of tannins (the red stuff in the grape skins that makes them red). Cabernet, Chianti, and some other "full-bodied" reds will have more tannins because more of the skins were left in the juice or the juice was left in contact with the skins longer (told you I was an amateur). Full-bodied reds also tend to be more astringent--that tart flavor that can make your lips pucker--and include stronger additive flavors, like leather, peppers, or tobacco. Red wines are served "room temperature," though this usually means room temperature in Norman France in the Middle Ages (which would've been around 60 degrees Fahrenheit), but today would probably run anywhere from 55 to 70 degrees Fahrenheit. And if you don't use air conditioning? Well, then your room temperature will be a little bit higher, won't it? But I wouldn't recommend letting your wines--any wines--stay in 85+ degrees for days at a time. Bad things will happen. Just trust me.

White wines, on the other hand, are clearer because they don't have as many tannins. They also include different flavors from reds (perhaps because those other additives would change the color of the wine?). Anyhow, whites tend to have lighter, sweeter flavors than reds. A "dry" white is tart, a "sweet" white, like a Riesling or a sparkling wine like a Champagne or Moscato, will be very sweet. The whites I'm fond of are greenish-yellow and nearly transparent--Sauvignon Blanc or Pinot Grigio. These also tend to be "dry" whites and more on the tart side of things. Think of a less-sweet grape juice with a hint of grapefruit, citrus, or apple. I also enjoyed Moscato, which is a nearly transparent, slightly sparkling white wine with fewer bubbles than Champagne) after a trip to Italy. Other whites, especially Chardonnays, tend to get very experimental, and most of the experiments elude me: oak barrels, flowers, strange scents and flavors that just don't agree with me. Your mileage could vary.

Ports are also good, though sweet, and can range from slightly rusty and clear (like a Scotch) to deep, ruby red. Their flavors can include cherry and raisins. Their texture is almost like a schnapps or a syrup, depending on how thick they are, and they are higher in alcohol content than your average wine (though well below the average liquor).

Oh, yeah: food and wine pairings. Almost forgot. Generally, you serve white wines with lighter meats (chicken, fish), pastas with light-colored sauces, or salads; red wines go with pork, lamb, beef, or pastas with red sauces. Dessert wines, as expected, usually go with desserts, though sparkling wines can go with festive meals (weddings, for example) of any sort. At wine tastings, people can serve wine with cheese, apples, or fruit. It's tempting to eat sweet foods with sweet wines (whites) and salty foods with salty wines (reds), but apples are better to eat with all wines for getting their true flavor. Cheeses can block the taste buds for some reason (rather like you don't eat cheese before giving a public speech--it produces too much saliva). You want to taste the wine as it is.

So there ya go: the starter's guide to vino. It's very middle of the road, and no doubt I left out a bunch of stuff. But that'll do for now, yes? You have questions? I'll try to answer them. Otherwise, get out there, try some different types of wines, and find out what you enjoy.

Potpourri CLV

It's been awhile since I've done one of these, but I thought I'd take a few free minutes to clear out the blog pile, as Sunday Night Football isn't wowing me this evening.

First off: the 50 fattiest foods in America. And for dessert, cupcakes.

On the more serious side, Lin sent the following speech on the state of free speech in Europe.

With the tools of CGI becoming more and more widespread, it is possible for amateurs to create some pretty decent Star Trek movies. I can't vouch for all of the acting.

I need to investigate/discuss this further, but here's a blog in defense of a liberal arts education. This is worth considering, even when everyone in my circle of fellow bloggers is spun up about the state of science, technology, engineering, and math (STEM) education. There IS still a place for English majors, after all...

From Stefanie, a little programming humor(?): Prolog haiku.

This is old (2002), but still worth reading: Penn Gillette on getting groped by the TSA. Along the same lines, here's a worthwhile editorial by Salon Magazine on airport security.

I never get tired of these: random moments of opera staged in public areas. This one is in Palermo, Italy.

Economic news so disheartening you'll want to be sitting down to read it.

Randy Olson, our fearless filmmaker, holds forth on the Science Cheerleaders.

Nothing against the U-2, it's a marvelous airplane. But really, if we retired the SR-71, shouldn't we be moving forward with the next generation of spy plane, not going back to stuff our grandparents built?

Video talk by the Air Force One pilot who was flying on September 11.

My buddy Erika appeared recently on the "Faces of Marshall" feature on NASA.gov. When she starts talking about a certain friend who was very passionate about space, that'd be Your Humble Narrator.

From the Down Under Defense Expert (DUDE), a collection of peer-reviewed papers on anthropomorphic global warming.

From Doc: a recommended "not stupid" site on football analysis.

Interesting article on why the Singularity won't happen.

I just loved this blog by Allie Brosh. Her humor is wickedly funny and her drawing manages to convey emotion if not exactly Michelangelo.

A guide on how to taste wine.

The MaybeLogic Academy...

I still like this: a force field for IDF tanks. Now we need one!

And I guess that'll do for now. I'm rather busy, so if I'm not posting as often, please know that it's for a good cause: promoting Science Cheerleader.com or the International Space Development Conference.

Salud.

Potpourri LXXVIII

Worked late last night, so I have a little time now to catch up on the news...or at least post some links to it.

First, a little music to start your day, courtesy of Hu.

Also from Hu:

• Hillary Clinton says the U.S. is prepared to take "crippling action" against Iran if it doesn't rein in its nuclear weapons program.
• The new NASA chief would be disappointed if he doesn't see human beings set foot on Mars in his lifetime. He wouldn't be the only one.
• Ka-BOOM! Astronomers see evidence that a large object has smacked into Jupiter. The last time we saw something like this was in 1994, during another Apollo 11 anniversary. As fellow space geek Greg Allison asked me, "Think someone's trying to send us a message?"
• And as Hu reminded me, "sometimes when you're tilting at windmills it's better not to listen to the 'mainstream'."

I got a note from the NASA PAO feed that the last scheduled firing test of the Space Shuttle Main Engine will be conducted at Stennis Space Center on July 29 of this year. The retirement's real, people.

From R2D2, a variety of wine reviewing sites:

• Snooth.com
• WineSpectator.com
• WineandSpiritsMagazine.com
• WineEnthusiast.com
• Burghound.com
• JancisRobinson.com
• Corkd.com
• Winezap.com
• Vinquire.com
• Winesearcher.com
• CellarTracker.com
• Adegga.com
• AbleGrape.com

Gadzooks! Never realized all those were out there...

From Melissa: a very cool link from the JFK library that includes a computerized animation of the Apollo 11 launch.

From Father Dan, a cool site featuring rare U.S. military aircraft.

I just think this is frickin' great. Partly because it’s Star Wars, partly because it’s ‘80s music, and partly because it’s frickin’ stupid.

Speaking of Apollo 11 again, President Obama did meet with the three astronauts...as well he should!

Need to buy a Lutheran Worship hymnal? My pastor referred me here. I've become his PowerPoint guy for services--he feeds me the templates and the hymn numbers, lessons, etc., and I put 'em together so folks can follow along. Sometimes page numbers are missing, so I was struggling through, trying to guess where a certain psalm was located. "Perhaps you want to invest in a hymnal?" was his suggestion. Whups. That'll teach me...

Random Links for a Weekend

Need wine? This site is a cousin of Shirt.Woot.

And do you feel the need to translate yourself into a Star Trek character? Try this.

From Tina: Another look at the cap-and-trade bill. Bottom line here is as expected: if you raise the price of energy, you raise the price of everything else, because you need energy to do everything. This needs to be stopped in the Senate, or a LOT more people will be hurting and unemployed. You can find contact for your senator here.

More on McCain and Space

Apparently the McCain campaign has decided to expand its statement on space: http://www.johnmccain.com/Informing/Issues/7366faf9-d504-4abc-a889-9c08d601d8ee.htm

I need time to digest this before responding more fully. I just spent my evening editing/sprucing up a PowerPoint pitch/proposal for the Mars Foundation. My pal Dede had an excellent suggestion, since I'm not allowed to get paid for any of my free-time space stuff. I could post a sign indicating that I "WILL EDIT FOR WINE." My current summertime favorite, by the way, is Conundrum, a decent, light California white table wine with a lot of interesting tart, fruity, and acidic flavors going on.

The Price of Living the Good Life

To help along my Generation X mindset research, I asked my sister, "What was different when we were kids that doesn't occur now?" One thing that surprised me through the '90s and continues into the '00s is the steadily rising standard of living among my tribe--that being middle-class WASP folk living in the suburbs. I heard it once called "affluenza," which one book describes as "a painful, contagious, socially-transmitted condition of overload, debt, anxiety and waste resulting from the dogged pursuit of more."

Maybe it's because my sister, mother, and I grew up relatively poor for much of the late '70s and early '80s that we're more sensitive to such things. My sister told me a few years ago that she "couldn't look rich people in the eye," as if she was somehow subservient or ashamed of who she was. I laughed at her (perhaps cruelly), and said, "Sweetie, have you looked at your house lately? You are among the rich!" Three bedrooms, 3,000-odd square feet? That's a big 'un!

Anyhow, either by choice or circumstance, I've lived below my potential standard of living by concentrating my expenditures on books, beer, and travel. My one foray in property owning lasted nine months, after which I found a dream job in Huntsville and sold the place at a loss. The place seemed a bit extravagant for me: a condo with enough room for a bedroom, living room, dining room, and office. Now I'm back to a one-bedroom hovel as I pay off my debts from the condo loss, car, and student loans. 2009 is looking better, good enough that I can contemplate a trip to Europe without freaking out.

But I don't have a lot of "toys" or consumer debt. In this I might be an exception. No stereo, no big-screen TV, no video games, and (perhaps as a saving grace) no interest in any of the above. I make a weekly visit to Barnes & Noble. Occasionally I go out for lunch or dinner. My forced fast from adult beverages has reduced those expenses, which is just as well. I like living in a dive apartment in the middle of an affluent neighborhood, mind you. Nice place to walk around. But I don't have a lot of material demands.

Which finally brings me to my subscription to Wine Spectator, a semi-weekly magazine dedicated to discussing and rating fine wines from around the world. I picked up WS in an effort to blend in with the highfalutin' set inside the Beltway. If I couldn't afford the lifestyle, I could at least learn to speak the lingo. It didn't help, of course. My middle-class palette preferred flavors that came with a price tag below $25 a bottle. Some of the high-powered vinos had flavors that I can vaguely describe as peat bog and horse apples. I did visit the local snooty wine shop once a week to try stuff for free and futilely educate my palette, though more often than not I ended up buying a single bottle of something under $15 or a six-pack of beer. As an extravagance one Christmas, I brought in a coupon for 10% off a case. I dutifully presented the coupon to the clerk, who knew me, and warned her I was off to shop. Knowing my buying habits, she said, "You do realize that this coupon is for a case, right?" Her tone indicated that she thought I couldn't afford it, which almost caused me to turn around and give her the finger on the way out the door. (And people wonder why I left DC so gleefully.)

Anyhow, the latest issue of Wine Spectator rates the 2005 Bordeaux, which apparently are the best vintage to hit the shelves since 2000. One handy tool the Spectator offers is a tear-out shopping guide that summarizes its best picks for that issue. The "Bordeaux Report" features wines rated from 95 to 100 points, which makes sense: why read a magazine that's rating Night Train or MD 20/20? The kicker is, these wines start at $75 a bottle and quickly slide up the scale to $2,000 a bottle for a Chateau Ausone St. Emillion! Who the hell has the money for this? What in God's name do you do with a $2,000 bottle of wine? What's a suitable occasion? What do you eat with it?

Okay, my remedially educated palette can appreciate the difference between, say, a $35 bottle of Mulderbosch Cabernet and a $7.99 bottle of Concha y Toro Cabernet/Merlot blend, but my current budget horizons and middle-class prejudices balk at a bottle wine rising to such heights. But then I have friends who refuse to drink any wine with a retail value higher than $10 or with a temperature warmer than 65 degrees. In their world, I'm a wine snob. In the world of wine snobs, I'm a piker, a peasant. It does stop the tongue to consider that there are folks out there willing and able to shell out two grand for 750 mL of fermented grape juice.

Do I even want to aspire to such riches? Sure, I guess. But if I'm so careless as to part with my money in such a way, what else would I be careless about? It's the Great Gatsby attitude, of course. In that book, F. Scott Fitzgerald's protagonist took a couple of rich snobs to task for being "careless with people." It's an attitude born to someone who has never had a maid or a driver or valet. In some ways, I guess, I understand my sister's attitude about not being willing to look "rich people" in the eye. The service industry (which, as I learned from years of working in it, is slowly devolving into a servant industry) slowly beats subservience into you and can leave you with a distaste for serving your fellow human beings. The American democrat (lower-case "d") in me has a mental block about treating someone better than I'd treat myself just because they have more money than I do. That is the nature of the hospitality business, and I understand, believe me. That's why I don't work in hotels anymore. It's not for everyone. It drove me nuts after awhile. It's also why I don't abuse service-industry staff. Been there, done that, hated it. They're still people, dammit, and they don't deserve to be treated as if they were invisible just because I'm paying for the service they provide.

Does this mean I'm ready to upend the whole system and overthrow The Man? Hardly. My home country has become richer, and me along with it. I've gone from service provider to service consumer. All these attitudes have probably warped me a tad. I'm a soft touch when it comes to tipping service industry personnel. I don't date above my station. (Back in college, I once told a female friend that I felt uncomfortable in her parents' home because I wasn't used to hanging around rich people.) I nearly flipped when I went to a party at a friend of a friend and they had an honest-to-Deus housekeeper on staff to clean up after the party. The rules of my tribe are not laws of nature, as Shakespeare noted well, but dammit, my tribe has had a certain kind of rough justice to it.

What happens when I get free of my major debts and I'm able to afford some of these finer things that give me such pause now? Well, if I am as good as my word, I'll at least increase the amount of money I spend on charitable works. And for gosh sakes, I hope I never forget what it's like to be the guy taking the tip.

What the Heck Happened...

...To the price of cabernet sauvignon? It has gone absolutely nuts. Even the "low-end" stuff is now starting at $9.99 a bottle, and odds are you wouldn't want to drink that. The 99-point stuff listed in Wine Spectator (yes, I'm a subscriber) averages $150 a bottle. Who the heck can afford to buy wine this way, much less drink it? As Jean-Luc Picard said in Star Trek: First Contact, "The economics of the future are somewhat different." Indeed.

Welcome to the future.